The Treadle

My partner won a Singer treadle sewing machine on ebay on Monday. There was one minute to go and she put in the final bid; I know, a nailbiting finish - get the bunting out.

How can you `win' stuff on ebay? Surely winning is akin to winning the lottery or a prize of some sort? The lottery/raffle/bet etc is a gamble and it is up to the individual how much money is risked; a competition is the pitching of wits or talent (or lack of) for the winning rosette or whatever is for grabs; so how can outbidding people on ebay be called a win? It would be if they lost their money on it, but they don't. Most of them sit back and recognise the near miss and either breathe a sigh of relief because they can now pay the mortgage or sulk for a moment while preparing to bid on something else!

So, after she did a victory shout and semi dance the thought suddenly hit her at the back of the head like a wet kipper: where to put it; and then about four kipper slaps later I could see her mind ticking over and finally breathing a sigh of relief that the transportation of the vintage prized possession would be a challenge duly undertaken by yours truly ..... oh lucky, lucky me! Was it the following night she made the phonecall to the actual keeper of said treadle? Hmm, I think it was because that is when it was casually slipped into the conversation that `we' had a large car and `we' are quite strong etc and at that moment I was doomed. I have learnt over time that when the `we' is thrown into a conversation regarding some journey or battle against the elements the `we' is in the singular context.

Last night both of us ventured forth to collect the new `clothes rack' or storage unit - very much along the lines of the real usage of an exercise bike.

You know when someone says something and that little red light flashes in your brain and starts launching lifeboats, but you choose to ignore it because it always seems worse than it really is? Hit me with the kipper now!!! Yep, second floor flat, sheesh! The lady was very friendly, but then the relief of getting rid of said item must have caused her to breathe a sigh of joy and her boyfriend smiled a lot at us and helped me carry it down the stairs and across to the car to ensure that it went; everyone a happy bunny; only I was lagging behind on the happiness front because I knew that what goes into the car has to come out of the car and you could hardly call the new acquisition portable even though it did have its own set of casters; still, has to be done I suppose.

Luckily, and I use the word loosely, with much slackness actually Daphne was around and so we both ventured to transport it out of the car and into the house earlier. We managed to lift it to the ground by sliding it down my shins to protect it. At this point Daphne had a coughing fit and I had to manoeuvre it onto the trolley that decided to play silly beggars and try to escape, but luckily my fingers on my left hand are pretty flexible; more flexible than either they or me knew and so, not stopping to let out an anguished cry because that would have been considered leisure time, trolley and treadle finally connected and life was a breeze to the front door. At this point, as I managed to lift treadle over the step and hoping Daphne would take the hint and help, but she declined saying there was not enough room for both of us in the porch because my ass was too big, smaller dog decided to share the tiny amount of room with me and it wasn't until she decided to lift her head towards where the blasphemy was originating from that she thought better of it and went back inside. By this time my arms had grown somewhat; a fact I didn't noticed until later when I felt two things dragging on the floor and realised they were my hands; and so the last lift over the second step took a tad bit more growling and the deed was done!!!

It stands miffed in the bay window. I say miffed because I suppose it has reached that certain age when it commands a tad of respect (don't we all?) and so far hadn't been shown any except for the donation of the skin on my shins and a few skeletal unnatural stretches, but it will get over it and if not then ebay beckons!!!