Right, I have noticed that although this blog was launched yesterday I only have two followers and that leads me to wonder where the rest of you earthlings are? I feel like a minister in church on Sunday. Come on, where everybody is?
Ah, and while I mention the word minister, and I am not even going into religion etc because it is dark and scary, or light and scary, or very powerful stuff apparently so I am not going there; however I will now relate a incident I witnessed and will then go on to throw up the usual inane questions.
Ok, this relates to a funeral service many years ago. The minister involved may still be walking the earth and preaching the same, but I am unaware and as he will remain nameless it doesn't matter. So, the mourners are safely gathered in staring at the wooden suit in front of them. Some very sad that the person they knew had now gone forth and some trying to wrack their brains as to what the deceased looked like, having only come along as support for mum or dad or partner who actually knew this person. Anyway the minister is feeling pretty good because he has a full congregation - something the inside of his church has not seen since '85 when someone spread the rumour that the then minister was doing naughties with the flower arranger. But I digress .... so he starts the usual we are gathered here today to say bye to blah de blah and all of a sudden he started ranting on about hell and damnation and how if the motley crew in front of him didn't get themselves down to a church on Sunday they could expect only the firey pit when they eventually decided go forth unto the heavens; only there would be no heaven for them only fire and brimstone.
Now, as usual I have a concern: so the ones with their botties on the seats or leaning up against the chapel walls were probably rethinking their lives and deciding against going to Costco, IKEA or wherever on Sunday and popping into the nearest God house to check that they were still booked on a cloud when they died. However, how about the poor sod in the box or wherever they were floating around hearing the fellah in the fancy robes who had got their name wrong twice so far and stating that they loved their garden when they were alive, although they lived on the fifth floor flat and the nearest they came to a garden was when the grandchildren dragged them off to a garden centre on the odd weekend; he/she was preparing to nestle down nicely on a puffy white thing in the sky inside the pearly gates and now there was a possibility that they were going to spend the rest of eternity on the tarmac gang in hell. I'm sure it can be very disconcerting. Surley these options should be reiterated prior to stopping breathing and then you have the chance to reconsider whether death should be postponed for a while until you have built up your Nectar points?
Also, will you have to show a loyalty card at the pearly gates?
Anyway, just a thought is all. Below is a dangling conversation between somebody and somebody .......
-0-0-0-
- if you were buying a birthday present for someone and you wanted it to be a surprise, what would you buy?
- Hmm, are they expecting a present from you?
- Possibly.
- What reaction are you hoping to elicit?
- One of surprise and pleasure.
- How much are you looking to spend?
- About £25.
- Good friend?
- I think so.
- What did they buy you?
- I haven’t known them that long.
- Then why £25?
- Why not?
- Hmm, and you want to get them something different?
- Yes, yes that would be really good!
- Something different that stands out from everybody else’s gift ….
- That would be really fantastic!
- ….Costing about £25?
- I could go to £30 if that would be better?
- No, £25 should be more than enough.
- This is so kind of you to help me with this.
- Hmm, you’ll need a box, but it’s getting the right size that’s the awkward bit.
- Well, yes it might be ……..
- When’s the birthday?
- Saturday.
- This Saturday?
- Yes.
- Erm, cutting it a bit fine aren’t you?
- Well I was hoping to go into town tomorrow …..
- Tomorrow? Town?
- Well yes; I have the card already …
- Oh that’s something at least.
- Do you think I could order it online and get it delivered direct?
- Possibly, they do next day delivery.
- Oh well that’s great!
- Yes, anyway, better be off before I miss my bus.
- Before you go …
- Yes?
- Er, you haven’t told me what to get?
- Why would I? I don’t even know the person.
- Yes, but you said I had to get the right size box and you said I could get it online. So, what is `it?
- How would I know? As I said, I don’t even know this person.
- Yes, but I thought you knew just the right present.
- What did this friend get for you?
- Er, well, we haven’t been friends that long, but it’s not the receiving, it’s the giving.
- You didn’t get anything, did you?
- Yes, well your friends didn’t even get you a card!
- I know, isn’t it great! We don’t worry about specific dates; we keep in touch throughout the year, email, the odd card for no reason, meeting up etc.
- Yes, but surely it is important to remember birthdays and Christmas?
- We celebrate un-birthdays; there are more of them and they always provide an excuse to get in touch! If I only contact my friends on birthdays and festive seasons then how do I know that they are okay during the rest of the year?
- I never thought of it in that way.
- Big presents and surprises are great, but on birthdays and Christmas do we really do it out of love or duty?
- Thank you. You have given me a different view.
- The odd card, phonecall or email without reason means a lot.
- Hmm, do you fancy a coffee?
- You treating me?
- Well I thought we could buy our own but continue to share our company?
- Tightwad!!!
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